THE HAIRCUT
I had a very interesting haircut experience, and every time I think about it, it just keeps getting funnier! So bear with me.
I had a "welcome to the neighborhood" coupon for half off a cut at Fantastic Sam's. So I sit down and the guy asks me what I want him to do.
Me: "Sorry, I have a picture of what I want, but I don't have it with me."
Him: "Oh, I'm SO glad you didn't because you can't have her hair. You can only have your hair."
Me: "I know. I've been through that before, but I finally found someone with hair like mine. I'm growing it out. She had layers, with big curls from the shoulder down."
Him: "Well, I can do that, and it's going to turn out so much better than the photo, because I will cut it to fit your hair and your face. If you want a cookie-cutter haircut, you can get an $8 one at Superclips. They'll cut your hair like the picture, even if it looks awful on you. But not me. I'll give you the best cut ever and it will look amazing."
Shoot, I'm thinking. All I know is that I have a 1/2 off coupon. How much is this haircut gonna cost?
So I tell him I'm going to a wedding reception in Phoenix. He used to live there, of course, and slips in a few swear words to indicate that there is a ton of fun stuff to do there. I think he meant bars and clubs, because there ain't nothin' fun to do in Phoenix in June! Except the pool.

Then he starts trashing my current haircut, which I was actually fond of. After all, I did tell him I just wanted a trim. But no. His cut is going to be "the bomb" and I'm going to "outshine the bride." Hmmm... Is he looking in the same mirror I am? I'm no glam queen! Make-up, cute shoes, new skirt, and for the pies de resistance, a diaper bag! No, I'm not going to try to outshine the bride.

When he's done with the cut, he spritzes who knows what all over my hair, then gushes, "I know! Doesn't it smell great? It's an amazing scent for the morning." I was thinking, "what smells great?" I never did smell anything.
Then he pulls out the hairdryer and I didn't see anything for the next 5 minutes. I just tried to spit the hair out of my mouth and worried about the 'fro I was surely headed for. He kept frantically rubbing my scalp with his fingers as my hair flew all around. Never once did a brush touch my head!
Me: "So far, it looks like I can do this." Sure, I can point a hair dryer at my head, no prob.
Him: "Oh yeah. It's because of the cut. You get a great cut, and magically your hair does itself!"
He's awfully confident. I'm starting to wonder about the price again.
Him: "So what do you have at home, in the way of goup?"
Me: "Umm...I have some goupy stuff. Pomade. And I have some curl-creating gel."
Him: "Oh NO. Gel would totally RUIN your hair! You need hairspray."
Me: "Hairspray? I didn't know anyone used that anymore."
To prove me wrong, he douses my head with the stuff, from the bottom up, while fluffing. Scary!
Me: "I think I might have some, but I've only used it to set pencil drawings."
Him: "Oh yes, I've heard you can use it for that. Everyone needs hairspray."
I'm thinking, "yeah right. Not gonna do it."
Him: "And viola! Now you have big, bad @$ hair. You look amazing!"
Well, it was big. But not bad. I did hope it would fluff down a bit before I got next door to buy shoes. Although Payless is quite glamorous. Everyone dresses up for BOGO, am I right?

Oh no, now it's time to pay. I walk up to the register, prepared for the worst. The 50% off coupon kept me from panicking. But that $8 Supercuts is starting to sound really appealing.

Cashier: "Your total is $8.50."



WOW! You know, they say a dollar just doesn't buy what it used to, but it's amazing the difference just 50 cents makes! It can take your from chintzy to fabulous in 20 minutes.

Sorry for such a long post. But a delusional hairdresser is just too funny to not share!