DISASTROUS

I've awoken to disasters before. Like when Jared (then 2) got out of bed in the wee hours and helped himself to a "breakfast" of ketchup. Or minor disasters involving overflowing diapers.
But this one beats all. I'm trying to stay positive, but....
My boys don't come into my room to wake me up. They go downstairs to play, and Jared usually turns on the tv. But after about a half-hour, their noise wakes me up, or they need something.
Today, it was screaming that woke me up. Jared was crying, and Zach was yelling, "MOM! Jared has a bwuddy nose!" Zach can't tell the difference between bloody and runny noses, so I was skeptical. But I got up anyway.
Jared was downstairs, so why did I see blood at the top of the stairs? As I descended, I saw more drops on the carpet. There were a bunch at the bottom of the stairs, then great splats of it on the laminate. And there was Jared, standing on a chair (I have no idea why), crying his eyes out while great gushes of blood still pour out of his nose. His pajamas were soaked with red, too.
I got the bleeding mostly stopped, then stripped him down and put him in the tub. The blood had soaked through to his underwear. Then I asked for an explanation.
Jared said that he was awake, but still laying in bed when Zach came in and hit him in the nose.
"When did you know you had a bloody nose?" I asked.
"Before I got out of bed," he answered.
Why, then, did he get up, pause at the top of the stairs, go down the stairs, pause at the bottom, walk over to the tv and pause, then walk into the kitchen, around the island, and back to the kitchen table? I know this because of blood evidence. He got blood in 3 different rooms, and down the hallway. WHY????
I mopped up the great splats in the kitchen, then got the carpet cleaner just to find that it isn't working right. It sucks, but won't spray. So I poured the cleaning water into a spray bottle and sprayed manually. Luckily the upholstery tool was sucking today (it's a bit iffy) so I could clean the stairs.
While I'm doing that, the boys flooded their bathroom with bathwater. And they'd let the bathwater out, without scooping up the bath toys first. So now they're freezing cold and think I'm the meanest mommy ever for making them clean up their bath toys.
Luckily, Zach didn't freak out on my completely when I made him clean up the water off the bathroom floor, or when I got him dressed (although he was crying that I'd put his towel in the washing machine so he couldn't cuddle in it anymore).
Then I recommenced cleaning up the blood. And then the boys whined for breakfast. I didn't feel like giving them anything, but I tried to be nice and poured them some cereal while my stomach growled. And then I cleaned some more.
So after two hours of cleaning, I'm leaving the carpet cleaner sprawled in the hallway, the bloody sheets on Jared's bed, and I'm going downstairs for some breakfast. Finally!

Oh, never mind. Jared just picked his nose and started it bleeding again, getting it on his brand new shirts (two of them). And I found more blood on the carpet.
I need a vacation!